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Caitlin Takes a Deep Dive into ADHD Emotions

Updated: 1 day ago

One minute you’re Mary Poppins, the next you’re the Wicked Witch of the West—welcome to ADHD emotions. Here's what you need to know about ADHD and emotional regulation.


Key Takeaways From This Episode

  • Your big feelings aren’t flaws—they’re neurology.

  • RSD = Your brain treats rejection like a five-alarm fire.

  • Hormones + ADHD = Emotional chaos (thanks, estrogen!).

  • You can't stop feeling your feelings (nor should you!), but you can trick your brain into regulating those feelings more effectively.


Listen to the Episodes Here

Part 1


Part 2


ADHD Emotions: It's Whiplash

Look: I’m a delightful human, right? I was a lovely teacher, too.


There were times I’d think I was in a good mood at school. A student would ask an innocuous question, such as “Where’s the stapler?” Suddenly, I’d respond like they’d personally offended my ancestors.


And I’d think, Where the EFF did THAT come from?


I called it emotional whiplash.


The Sensitivity of ADHD

As a kid, I was tagged as “too sensitive.” I was often told I “couldn’t take a joke” when certain—let’s say, mean classmates—teased or bullied me.


When I'm angry, I find myself ruminating. I spin in circles, repeating myself like a toddler until I eventually wear myself out. It's hard for me to forgive or move on, leading to grudges that I hold tight.


When I'm sad, it's all-consuming. I can't see beyond that sadness unless I'm sidetracked with a puzzle or something equally distracting. Then, I forget I was ever sad.


Does this sound familiar?


Welcome to emotional dysregulation, ADHD edition.


ADHD doesn't just make us misplace our keys; it can make us lose our cool. But why does this happen? How do we stop feeling like walking emotional hazards?


Deep Dive: Why ADHD Emotions Hit Harder

FYI, ADHD emotions aren't merely 'big feelings'; they are neurological hijackings. This phenomenon is technically known as emotional dysregulation.


Understanding Emotional Dysregulation

Emotional dysregulation occurs when someone’s emotions are all over the place. This means their feelings are often stronger than they should be, lasting longer than is typical, surfacing at inconvenient moments, or resulting in very intense reactions. Sometimes, these emotions hinder everyday life.


"'Many with ADHD syndrome report disproportionate emotional reactions to frustration: a short fuse, a low threshold for irritability,’" says Dr. Thomas E. Brown, a clinical psychologist.

It’s akin to having a smoke detector that goes off for burnt toast and actual fires. Simply put, our brain's alarm system is overly sensitive.


Interestingly, while many adults with ADHD experience intense emotional reactions, these responses aren’t officially part of the diagnosis!


The Brain Under the Microscope

ADHD brains show differences in the amygdala (emotion center) and prefrontal cortex (regulation center), resulting in:

  • Quicker, stronger emotional reactions.

  • Slower recovery to baseline (for instance, "Why am I still angry about this 3 hours later?!").


A notable factor is dopamine: Low dopamine levels often lead to seeking emotional "hits," whether positive or negative.


Understanding Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD)

RSD isn't just about being sensitive; it involves a physiological pain response to perceived criticism or rejection.


Examples include:

  • When a friend cancels plans, your brain might interpret it as "They hate me."

  • If there are fewer listeners for your podcast, you might feel as though "The world hates my show."


Mom Guilt Amplifies RSD:

“Forget ‘Did I pack the snacks?’—RSD has us obsessing over ‘Does the teacher think I’m a bad mom because my kid’s permission slip is late AGAIN?’”


The Struggle with Emotional Permanence

Just as we can forget where we placed physical objects, we often fail to remember that emotional states are not permanent.


It’s easy to think, "I feel terrible right now → I will always feel terrible." Or, "I feel sad…” → gets distracted, forgets sadness → “Oh right, I was grieving…”


The ‘Mood Whiplash’ of Parenting with ADHD

Combining unpredictable children’s behaviors with ADHD emotional dysregulation can lead to shame spirals like, “Why did I just yell about a LEGO?!”


  • Unexpected Anger/Frustration: Tiny annoyances (like misplaced keys or a loud partner) can feel like emergencies. Why? ADHD brains struggle with frustration tolerance.

  • Random Sadness: Experiencing a dopamine crash at odd times might make you ask, "Why is life so hard?" for no apparent reason.


Hormones + ADHD = Emotional Wildcard for Perinatal/Menopausal Moms

As estrogen levels drop, dopamine crashes follow, leading to tears over things like "Bluey," all thanks to biology!


Common ADHD Emotional Triggers (And How They Show Up for Moms)

Moms with ADHD, does any of this sound familiar?


Is it:

  • The Overstimulation Meltdown (kids + barking dog = rage-tears)?

  • The Invisible Labor Resentment (‘What’s for dinner?’ = I will end you)?

  • Or the RSD Guilt Spiral (‘The teacher side-eyed me → I’m a terrible mother’)?


Don’t worry—you can check all three. 🤦🏼‍♀️


I feel you, Louise.

Common Emotional Triggers to Consider

Here are four prevalent emotional triggers:


Overwhelm

That feeling of, “I have 47 things to do → I’ll do none of them.”


Or those endless moments, such as when your kid requests a snack while you’re folding laundry and talking to the insurance company. Yes, this happens to me often.


(Just to clarify, this trigger can spark a lot of internal chaos for me—the request while I'm already juggling tasks is particularly troublesome.)


The Overstimulation Meltdown

Imagine loud kids, a barking dog, the AC turning on, and even the lights in your kitchen buzzing. It’s only a matter of time until your brain shorts out, resulting in rage-tears.


Time Blindness + Deadlines = Panic

It’s a joke to say “just start earlier” when your brain only registers an impending deadline five minutes before it’s due.


Or imagine sensing a deadline approaching while feeling overwhelmed by your lengthy to-do list. Cue the big emotions for sure.


Invisible Labor Resentment

As the primary caregiver and the main person responsible for household tasks, it’s reasonable to feel rage when your partner casually asks, “What’s for dinner?” as if it’s just another question rather than another task in a busy day.


ADHD Emotional First Aid: Tools for When Sh*t Hits the Fan

Remember, not every tool is effective for everyone. Experiment and adopt what resonates with you.


For When You're Already Spiraling

The 5-Second Name It Game

State, "I’m feeling [angry/overwhelmed/sad] because [trigger]. This is my ADHD brain. It will pass." You get bonus points if you give your ADHD brain a name, like Gladys, Glinnys, or Bob!


Sensory Grounding

Use cold water on your wrists, eat sour candy, or take a loud sigh—anything that interrupts your spiral. I keep a stash of WarHeads on hand for this exact purpose.

She's talking about me, obvi.

The ‘Angry Laundry’ Hack

I like to throw a ball of socks against the wall. Make it amusing by throwing with your non-dominant hand. Add a whimsical lament, like, "Curse you, socks of doom!" or impersonate Moira Rose, saying, "Stop acting like a disgruntled pelican!" for extra fun.


Physical release beats yelling at your kids any day.


‘5-4-3-2-1’ Grounding for Moms

Observe 5 things around you (like a sippy cup or laundry pile), and touch 4 items (like a cool countertop or soft hoodie)—this can distract your brain mid-spiral.


Preventive Tools for Incoming Emotional Tsunamis

Movement Breaks

Engage in a quick 2-minute dance party or wall push-ups to reset your nervous system.


As someone who works from home, I often take five minutes to do a household chore or take the dog for a brief walk. This change of scenery and physical activity is crucial.


Emotional "Menus"

Prepare coping tools in advance. For example, "When I’m overwhelmed, I will [text a friend/listen to this song/hug my pet]."


When that school-dropoff stress kicks in, consider:

  • Chewing gum (for oral sensory input)

  • Playing empowering songs by Lizzo/Taylor Swift/Miley Cyrus/Foo Fighters/Fugees

  • Texting your ADHD mom friend a predetermined emoji that signals, "I’m screaming into the void." Pro tip: Set it as a keyboard shortcut for quick access.


For me, my ‘I’m losing it’ emoji is the rage plus clown emoji 🤬 🤡 or I might just belt out Miley Cyrus from the “Wrecking Ball” video while driving.


Long-Term Strategies for Emotional Stability

Externalize the Emotion

Consider shower arguments, voice memo rants, journaling, or even screaming into a pillow to process emotions.


Remember Phoebe's painting of Gladys? Shudder.

Compassionate Self-Talk

Remind yourself, "This is my ADHD; it's not my fault. I'm doing my best." (Combine it with the name you gave your ADHD brain! For example: "Dammit Gladys, I'm doing my best!").


Reframe ‘Selfish’ Self-Care

Taking 10 minutes to scream-sing in your car isn't 'extra'—it’s neurological first aid for ADHD brains. Miley gets it.


Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness practices can be beneficial. Go back and listen to our episode on mindfulness! Here's the blog post, ICYMI!


Your ADHD Emotional Survival Guide

So yes, our ADHD brains treat emotions like a bridezilla with a megaphone. But the good news? You’re not ‘too much’—you’re simply under-equipped. Now you’ve got some tools in your arsenal.


Your challenge for this week? Choose one tool from this list and connect it to your most predictable emotional trigger. Tape it to your bathroom mirror or set a phone reminder. Then, when the emotional tsunami hits (and it will), you'll have a lifeline ready. Tape WarHeads to your dashboard. Name your ADHD brain (or RSD) ‘Gladys,’ and tell her to pipe down.


And remember to share your successes with us! We’re all navigating this messy, magnificent ADHD mom life together. Tag us @CKandGKpodast with your ADHD brain’s name and favorite hack—best story gets a shoutout!


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Make good choices,

Caitlin & Ariella

Sources & Mentions for this Episode

Who We Are

Caitlin Kindred: ADHD mom, regular frustration-crier, and enthusiastic sock-ball thrower.

Ariella Monti: The friend who hands you ice packs and sour candy during meltdowns.


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