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Why Your ADHD Brain Triggers Emotional Storms (And How to Find Calm)

Caitlin takes a deep dive into the emotional (dys?)regulation that comes with her ADHD.

One minute you’re Mary Poppins, the next you’re the Wicked Witch of the West—welcome to ADHD emotions. Here's what you need to know about ADHD and emotional regulation.

A person sits on a bed, hugging a gray pillow tightly, conveying sadness. The room is dimly lit with brown and gray bedding.

Key Takeaways From This Episode

  • Your big feelings aren’t *flaws*—they’re *neurology*.

  • RSD = Your brain treats rejection like a five-alarm fire.

  • Hormones + ADHD = Emotional chaos (thanks, estrogen!).

  • You can't stop yourself from feeling your feels (nor should you!), but you can trick your brain into regulating those feels more effectively.


Listen to the Episode Here

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ADHD Emotions: It's whiplash

Look: I’m a delightful human, right? I was a lovely teacher, too.


There were times that I'd think I was in a good mood at school, and a student would ask an innocuous question, like, ‘Where’s the stapler?’ and suddenly I'd respond like they’d personally offended my ancestors.


And I'd think, Where the EFF did THAT come from?


I called it emotional whiplash.


When I was a kid, I was called “too sensitive” or told that I “couldn’t take a joke” when certain— um, a-holes—made fun of me (read: horrifically bullied me) in school.


When I’m angry, I ruminate on the reason I’m angry, spinning in circles and repeating myself like a toddler who'll eventually wear herself out. And I can’t forgive or move on, so I tend to hold grudges.


When I’m sad, it’s all I am. And I can’t see out of that sadness. Unless maybe you put a puzzle in front of me or force me to do something else distracting. Then I forget I was ever sad.


Sound familiar?


Welcome to emotional dysregulation, ADHD edition.


Turns out, ADHD doesn’t just make us lose our keys—it makes us lose our cool. But why? And how do we stop feeling like a walking emotional hazard?


Deep Dive: Why ADHD Emotions Hit Harder

FYI, ADHD emotions aren’t just ‘big feelings’—they’re neurological hijackings. Technically, it’s called “emotional dysregulation.”


Emotional dysregulation is when someone’s emotions are all over the place—way stronger than they should be, lasting longer than usual, popping up at the worst times, or leading to really intense reactions. Sometimes, those emotions get in the way of you living your life.


“‘Many with ADHD syndrome report disproportionate emotional reactions to frustration: a short fuse, a low threshold for irritability,’ says Dr. Thomas E. Brown, clinical psychologist and director of the Brown Clinic for Attention and Related Disorders.”

It’s kinda like having a smoke detector that goes off for burnt toast and actual fires. Translation: our brain's alarm system has zero chill.


The kicker? Plenty of adults with ADHD talk about having extreme emotional reactions, but extreme emotional reactions are not officially part of the diagnosis!


The Science Behind the Storm

ADHD brains have differences in the amygdala (emotion center) and prefrontal cortex (regulation center), leading to:

  • Faster, stronger emotional reactions.

  • Slower return to baseline (aka "Why am I still mad about this 3 hours later?!").


Dopamine’s role: Low dopamine = seeking emotional "hits" (good or bad).


Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD)

Not just sensitivity—RSD is a physiological pain response to perceived criticism/rejection.

  • Example: Your friend cancels plans → Your brain interprets it as "They hate me."

Or, I don’t get as many listens? → “The world hates my show.”

  • Mom Guilt Amplifies RSD:

“Forget ‘Did I pack the snacks?’—RSD has us obsessing over ‘Does the teacher think I’m a bad mom because my kid’s permission slip is late AGAIN?’”


Emotional Object Permanence? Nope.

Just like we forget physical objects exist, we also struggle to remember that emotional states aren’t permanent.

"I feel awful right now → I will always feel awful."

OR, (this is my biggie) “I feel sad…” → gets distracted, stops being sad → “Oh right, I was grieving…”


The ‘Mood Whiplash’ of Parenting with ADHD

Kids’ unpredictable behaviors + ADHD emotional dysregulation = “Why did I just yell about a LEGO?!” shame spirals.

  • Sudden Anger/Frustration

    • Tiny irritants (misplaced keys, spilled beverages, students interrupting my conversation, your partner breathing too loud) feel like emergencies.

Why? ADHD brains struggle with frustration tolerance.

  • Random Sadness

    • Dopamine crashes = "Why is life so hard?" at 3 PM for no reason.


Hormones + ADHD = Emotional Wildcard (For perinatal/menopausal moms):

Estrogen drops = dopamine crashes = “I’m not just crying over ‘Bluey’—it’s biology!”


Common ADHD Emotional Triggers (And How They Show Up for Moms)

Moms with ADHD, which of these sounds familiar?


Is it:


  • The Overstimulation Meltdown (kids + barking dog = rage-tears)?

  • The Invisible Labor Resentment (‘What’s for dinner?’ = I will end you)?

  • Or the RSD Guilt Spiral (‘The teacher side-eyed me → I’m a terrible mother’)?


...Don’t worry. You can check all three. 🤦🏼‍♀️


I feel you, Louise.

Here are 4 common emotional triggers to be mindful of:


Overwhelm

The "I have 47 things to do → I’ll do none of them" paralysis.


Or the multiple-asks moments, like your kid asking for snacks while you’re folding laundry while on the phone with your insurance company. Yes, this has happened to me.


(In case you can't tell, this is a huge one for me—the ask while I’m already doing another ask. Triggered.)


The ‘Overstimulation Meltdown’

When the kids are loud, the dog is barking, the AC kicks on (I mean, bless but also omg not another noise), and you can hear the lights in your kitchen, your brain is gonna short-circuit and let out the rage-tears.


Time Blindness + Deadlines = Panic

LOL. 'Just start earlier’ is a joke when your brain only registers ‘urgent’ 5 minutes before the PTA meeting.


Or, you feel the deadline coming, and those 47 things you have to do send you into overwhelm paralysis... Yeah, cue the big emotions.


‘Invisible Labor’ Resentment

If you're the primary parent and the primary person in charge of the home, I completely understand the rage you feel when your partner asks, ‘What’s for dinner?’ like it’s a question and not your infinity-ith task of the day.


ADHD Emotional First Aid: Tools for When Sh*t Hits the Fan

Note: Not all tools work for all brains, so we’re giving you a menu. Pick one that makes you go ‘Oh, I’d actually try that.’


For When You're Already Spiraling

The 5-Second Name It Game

"I’m feeling [angry/overwhelmed/sad] because [trigger]. This is my ADHD brain. It will pass." *Bonus points if you give your ADHD brain a name, like Gladys or Glinnys or Bob.


Sensory Grounding

Cold water on wrists, sour candy, or a loud sigh (interrupts the spiral). I have a stash of WarHeads in my house for this exact reason.

She's talking about me, obvi.

‘Angry Laundry’ Hack

Throw a ball of socks at the wall on purpose. Make it funny by throwing with your non-dominant hand. Add an old-timey insult like, "Curse you, socks of doom!" or your best Moira Rose impression, a lá "Stop acting like a disgruntled pelican!" for extra catharsis.


Physical release > yelling at your kids.


‘5-4-3-2-1’ Grounding for Moms

5 things you see (sippy cup, laundry pile…), 4 things you touch (cool countertop, soft hoodie…)—distracts your brain mid-spiral.





Preventative ‘Oh Crap, I Feel It Coming’ Hacks

Movement breaks

A 2-minute dance party or wall push-ups resets your nervous system.


I work from home, so I will go fold laundry, put clothes away, or take the dog outside for 5 minutes. Anything that gets me out of that environment and forces me to move my body.


Emotional "Menus"

Pre-plan coping tools (e.g., "When I’m overwhelmed, I will [text a friend/list to this song/hug a pet].").


Think: When school-dropoff stress hits:

  • Chew gum (oral sensory input)

  • Blast Lizzo/Taylor Swift/Miley Cyrus/Foo Fighters/Fugees

  • Text your ADHD mom friend who gets it a predetermined emoji that means you’re screaming into the void. *Pro tip: Make it a keyboard shortcut so that you can type 2 letters and the emojis pop up.


My ‘I’m losing it’ text is the rage + clown emoji 🤬 🤡 and/or a gif of Miley Cyrus from the “Wrecking Ball” video; if I'm driving, I scream-sing that song in the car instead.


Long-Term ‘Make Life Less Explosive’ Fixes

Externalize the emotion

Shower arguments, voice memo rants, angry journaling, or literally screaming into a pillow.


Remember Phoebe's painting of Gladys? Shudder.

Compassionate self-talk

"This is my ADHD, not my fault. I’m doing my best." (Pair it with the name you gave your ADHD brain! As in, "Dammit Gladys, I'm doing my best!")


Reframe ‘selfish’ self-care

Taking 10 minutes to scream-sing in your car isn’t ‘extra’—it’s neurological first aid for ADHD brains. Miley gets it.


Practice mindfulness

Ariella finds this really helpful. Go back and listen to our episode on mindfulness! Here's the blog post, ICYMI!


Your ADHD Emotional Survival Guide

So yes, our ADHD brains treat emotions like a bridezilla with a megaphone. But here’s the good news: You’re not ‘too much’—you’re under-equipped. Now you’ve got the tools.


Your challenge for this week? Pick one tool from this list and marry it to your most predictable trigger. Tape it to your mirror. Set a phone reminder. Then, when the emotional tsunami hits (and it will), you’ll have a lifeline ready. Tape WarHeads to your dashboard. Name your ADHD Brain and/or RSD ‘Gladys’ and tell her to pipe down.


And then share your wins with us—we’re all in this messy, magnificent ADHD mom life together. Tag us @CKandGKpodast with your ADHD brain’s name and favorite hack—best story gets a shoutout!


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Make good choices,

Caitlin & Jenny

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