This 1 Creator Helps Me Parent My Deeply-Feeling Kid & Now I'm Obsessed
- Caitlin Kindred
- Jul 14, 2024
- 5 min read
Updated: Aug 28
If You Have a Deeply-Feeling Kid, You Need to Follow Dr. Becky
Picture this: You're at a family event, feeling good, when it hits out of nowhere—your kid is having a meltdown. It's loud, it's long, and everyone's staring. You're frustrated, embarrassed, and wondering what the hell just happened.
Sound familiar? Welcome to parenting a deeply-feeling kid (DFK).
If you're here, you probably already know that traditional parenting tricks don't work on these kids. You've tried everything, and you're exhausted from walking on eggshells around your own child.
I get it. I've been there.
That's why I need to tell you about my new parenting hero: Dr. Becky Kennedy, child psychologist and author of Good Inside. Her Instagram has become my holy grail of parenting advice, and since discovering her, I've spent hours learning how to actually support my DFK.
This isn't about "fixing" your kid—they're not broken. But there are strategies that actually work, and I'm sharing everything I've learned.
What Makes Deeply-Feeling Kids Different
DFKs feel everything intensely—joy, sadness, empathy, anger. They often feel things so deeply they can't even put words to their emotions. They pick up on subtle cues others miss and have rich inner worlds that can be both beautiful and overwhelming.
Here's the thing: their intense reactions aren't just dramatic behavior. Dr. Becky explains that for DFKs, vulnerability sits right next to shame. When they feel vulnerable—like when they trip, make a mistake, or lose a game—that shame kicks in immediately. And because shame feels so awful, they explode.
"They almost experience their feelings as attackers on their body, which is why they respond with an attack."
Basically, these kids are always on high alert, ready to defend against feelings that hurt.
The Two Tell-Tale Signs You Have a DFK
Dr. Becky says there are two key indicators:
Their emotional escalations happen more frequently, more intensely, and last longer than other kids
Typical parenting strategies don't work
If you just nodded twice, congratulations—your t-shirt is in the mail. (Though honestly, you'd probably prefer a strong coffee and a nap.)
The Game-Changing Strategy: Thumbs Up
Here's my favorite Dr. Becky hack for when your DFK can't or won't talk about their feelings (which is most of the time).
Tell your kid: "I want to play a game. Close your eyes, and I'm going to say something. If it's right, thumbs up. Kind of right, thumb to the side. Totally wrong, thumbs down."
Then try statements like:
"Maybe it was upsetting that your artwork didn't look how you wanted."
"You were mad because I wouldn't let you wear your Batman costume to school."
The beauty? No eye contact required (shame makes that hard), and DFKs love rejecting their parents, so they'll usually engage. Especially if you add in a silly statement, like “You were upset today because you asked me to dress up like a hot dog and I told you there wasn’t enough mustard in the house to make it work.”
If you get any thumb response at all, take the win. And then drop it. You've made a connection, now it's time to move forward.
When They Are Ready to Talk
Once your DFK starts opening up, here's how to keep the conversation going:
Listen without fixing.
Resist the urge to jump in with solutions. Instead, reflect back what you hear: "I'm hearing that you're frustrated your brother won't let you in his room. Do I have that right?"
Lead with empathy.
Skip the "you're being dramatic" and try "That sounds really hard" or "I can see how upset you are."
Pick your timing.
Don't try to have deep conversations when they're already dysregulated. Wait for calm moments when you can give them your full attention.
Boundaries Still Matter (Maybe More)
Yes, your DFK feels everything intensely. No, that doesn't mean they get to run your household.
Set clear, consistent boundaries and expect pushback—DFKs test limits more because their intense emotions lead to impulsive behavior. The key is enforcing boundaries with empathy, not anger.
Teach them coping strategies like deep breathing, creative expression, or having a calm-down space. And model what healthy emotional regulation looks like, even when (especially when) you're feeling triggered yourself.
Fair warning: modeling emotional regulation when your kid is melting down over the "wrong" cereal is incredibly hard. Sometimes you'll have to fake it till you make it.
Helping Them Navigate Social Situations
DFKs often struggle socially because their intensity can overwhelm other kids. Help them by:
Teaching them to read social cues and manage conflict
Providing supervised opportunities to practice social skills
Advocating for them at school (but not hovering, says the former teacher 😉)
Working with teachers to create accommodations when needed
Remember: you're their advocate, not their bodyguard. They need to learn to navigate the world, not have you remove every obstacle.
Managing Overwhelm (Theirs and Yours)
DFKs get overwhelmed easily, so help them identify their triggers:
Time of day issues? Adjust schedules when possible
Noise sensitivity? Get noise-limiting headphones they actually want to wear
Too many choices? Offer two options instead of ten
Create a quiet retreat space and teach stress-management techniques that work for them. And don't forget to take care of yourself too—as the saying goes, you can't pour from an empty cup.
The Bottom Line
Parenting a DFK is exhausting. It tests everything you thought you knew about raising kids, especially if you have other children who don't operate this way.
But here's what Dr. Becky and I want you to remember: your deeply-feeling kid isn't broken. Their wiring is different, and with the right support, that emotional depth can become their superpower. They'll grow up to be the friends who show up when someone's hurting, the coworkers who notice when something's wrong, the humans who make the world more compassionate.
It's just going to take some different strategies to get there.
Want more real-talk parenting advice that actually works? I dive deep into topics like this on my podcast, "How to Be a Grownup: A Humorous Guide for Moms." It's for any mom who's ever looked around and thought, "I need an adultier adult to handle this." Listen wherever you get your podcasts and join a community of moms who are figuring it out together—one chaotic day at a time.
And when you need to vent about the latest DFK drama, find me on Instagram @ckandgkpodcast. I'm right there in the trenches with you.
Listen to the episode about DFKs here.
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