ADHD Parenting Survival Guide: 7 Real Struggles & Science-Backed Fixes
- Caitlin Kindred
- Aug 11
- 6 min read
From an Exhausted Mom Who’s Been There (With Science to Back It Up)
Children with ADHD are incredible.
Their tenacity, while a superpower, is also the source of many challenges for parents. Here are some tools to help you with specific parenting challenges for ADHD children.
Key Takeaways From This Episode
The ‘47 Asks’ Challenge: Why your kid genuinely doesn’t hear you (and how to ditch the nagging).
Transition Meltdowns Decoded: The 3-phase science behind “GET IN THE CAR RIGHT NOW” fails.
The Love of Arguing: Why your child debates like a tiny lawyer (and how to redirect it).
The ‘Lost & Found’ Cycle: “Launch pads” and “drop zones” and visual checklists for forgetful kiddos.
Listen (or keep reading!) for the full list plus science-backed strategies to cope.
Listen to the Episode Here
Parenting a kid with ADHD is like trying to fold a fitted sheet while riding a rollercoaster.
There’s a sock stuck somewhere, you’re both screaming, and you have no idea how other people make it look so easy. These are real strategies for raising an ADHD kiddo—without losing your damn mind.
A note that these are specific to children with ADHD. We know that neurodivergent children come in all different spice levels. We are talking about the ADHD-spice because that’s where we have experience.
As always, know that we are not therapists or mental health professionals. We’ve done the research, yes, but that does not a professional make. And, your mileage may vary on these tips. We are two women just doing the best we can.
Common Challenges for Parents of ADHD-Neurospicy Kids
Managing Your Parental Expectations
We’ve already said this a few times, but the things that ADHD people struggle with, like executive function challenges, sensory overload, and emotional dysregulation, are things that ADHD kids struggle with, and for kids, it’s likely worse. That means that there are a few things that you simply can’t expect a child with ADHD to be good at right away:
Compliance, especially immediate compliance
Perfect execution
Impulse control
Staying organized
Being on time
Multitasking and/or following multi-step instructions
Emotional regulation, specifically pertaining to frustration tolerance and “constructive” criticism
That said, there are a few behaviors that are especially challenging for me, and likely for you, too. Here’s the list and how to start working on the behaviors.
The "I Asked You 47 Times!" Problem
Why parents get frustrated: Asking over and over again feels like defiance (but it’s neurology).
Why it happens: ADHD kids struggle with working memory and task initiation.
The fix:
"One request + visual cue" (e.g., point to shoes while saying “shoes on”).
Use timers with physical reminders (e.g., place a timer next to the backpack).
Related: Transitioning from Task to Task
Why parents get frustrated: We’re (again) asking over and over again, and if we try to help, it turns into an argument.
Why it happens: It turns out that this is way more complicated than we thought, but basically, there are 3 types of transitions (physical, mental, and emotional), and a single transition may have all of these. What’s more, there are 3 phases of a transition:
Making the initial move away from the activity
Navigating the path between the last activity and the future one
Moving into the coming task or activity.
All of those require (say it with me): executive function.
The fix:
Establish routines
Give visual and audio cues before and during transitions
Use timers (or songs the exact length of the transition)
The Emotional Tornado
Why parents get frustrated: Meltdowns over ‘small’ things (e.g., wrong-color cup).
Why it happens: Emotional dysregulation + sensory sensitivities.
The fix:
"Name it to tame it": "Your brain is really mad about that cup. Let’s find a solution."
Offer a sensory reset (crunchy snack, cold washcloth, jumping jacks) to calm the lizard brain.
The Incessant Arguing
Why parents get frustrated: Again, it feels like defiance.
Why it happens: Dr. Steven Storage: “ADHD brains crave stimulation, and believe it or not… arguing boosts dopamine. It gives them a sense of control, a mental challenge, and a hit of excitement their brain finds rewarding.”
The fix: Reframe your mindset, Mama. “Arguing is often a stressed or under-stimulated brain—not a disrespectful child.”
Give 2 choices you can live with. It creates structure, boosts dopamine without the conflict, and helps build flexible thinking.
Homework Hell
Why parents get frustrated: Ummm, I feel like it’s the first few challenges combined…?
Why it happens: ADHD brains crave novelty—worksheets feel like torture.
The fix:
Turn boring tasks into silly challenges: "Can you solve math problems while standing on one foot?"
Chunk it: 10 minutes work → 5-minute dance break. (But only if your child can handle a break like that. I’d recommend either following their lead on a break or doing a break that’s related to the homework but different enough.)
Forgetting Things That Matter
Why parents get frustrated: Lost permission slips, missing shoes, unfinished chores.
Why it happens: ADHD brains struggle with executive function. Executive function is helped with dopamine, and we don’t have enough of that.
The fix:
Externalize memory: A "launch pad" (backpack/keys/shoes spot by the door).
Visual checklists (e.g., pics of morning routine on fridge).
Social Speedbumps
Why parents get frustrated: Interrupting, missing social cues, being cringey, or oversharing.
Why it happens: Navigating social interactions requires various mental processes, or executive function skills. ADHD kids lack those (remember?).
The fix:
Share your internal dialogue to model perspective-taking (“Wow, that was so nice of Ariella to let Brenna use her umbrella. I bet Joey thought so, too.”)
Role-play scenarios ("What if your friend’s face looks like this? What does that mean?").
Teach "social scripts" (e.g., "Can I play too?" instead of barging in).
Socialize kids in extracurriculars. It’s a place to practice!
Other Frustrations + Fixes
Punishments that don’t work: Dr. Steven Storage
Taking away all screens for days or weeks: Yes, screen time can be tricky for ADHD—but overly long bans don’t teach anything. ADHD brains struggle to connect the behavior with a consequence that’s far in the future.
Long lectures: They tune out after 15 seconds. What feels like a teaching moment to you sounds like static to them.
Instead:
Use short, immediate consequences that are tied to the behavior.
Praise effort. Catch them being good. Say their name with a positive tone. ADHD kids rarely hear that.
The ‘Yes’ space: Designate a chaos-friendly zone (e.g., trampoline, fidget bin) where all the feels and activities are A-OK.
Bribery is ethical: Reward effort over results ("You focused for 10 minutes? LEGO time!").
Pick your battles: "I don’t care if he wears pajamas to school. We’re saving our energy for the shoe fight."
Final Thoughts
Look, parenting is hard.
Your kid is not a bad kid. You are not a bad parent. Parenting an ADHD kid isn’t about ‘fixing’ them—it’s about giving them (and YOU) the right tools.
Chances are, if you’re listening to this show, you are a good parent. You’re probably a mother who loves your child with your entire heart, and you’re doing your freaking best. You’re not alone. We’d love to hear your stories, so send us a DM and we’ll share them on a future episode.
Sources and Mentions
Us, of course
ADDitude Mag
Book: The Explosive Child by Ross Greene (collaborative problem-solving).
Instagram creators:
Who We Are
Caitlin and Ariella are two neurodivergent moms of amazing neurodivergent kids, just trying to breathe through the arguing and find the laughs.
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